Oh That Feeling Again

I'm having mixed feelings again, I don't feel happy. I don't feel content with what is happening. I can't deny i hate this kinda feelings, its like when you woke up, you don't feel like smiling and you're not looking forward to a new day. And you start your day by putting a fake smile just to make someone happy, just to make people shut their mouth up and stop asking you the 'are you okay' question, doing something that you don't like but others does just to make them happy, accepting something that you still have those 50/50 thoughts. Nothing seems right for me. I'm just asking for something that you don't need to use up you money or energy, I'm just asking for my happiness. I still don't know if its worth it, working that hard and earn extra cash but in the end i don't get anything, as in happiness. True, money can't buy you happiness but it will make you happy just for that moment where you get what you want. I'm like accepting things that i don't like,things that make me unhappy, as long as that person is happy. It isn't fair at all. Try let me do something that you don't like, would you still make me do it? No, cause only you can do it. Only you can do stuff that i don't like. The reason why i don't really wanna confront things to people cause it will end up to fights. I hate it. It will increase the level of our hatred to that person. Its not good. Please for goodness sake, I don't wanna be fake and put up a fake smile and laugh a fake laugh. If this continue and i keep things from myself, it will eat me up inside. Have you heard of someone died of depression? Great im talking nonsense now. Fuckshit. Please for the second time tell me that everythings gonna be fine. Cuz to me something's missing. Yes i feel like there are something missing. Help me find those missing pieces will you? I need someone.