I can't sleep because I'm currently thinking about him.

My soulmate.
I've been thinking about him so much lately, i have no idea why, maybe because ive been thinking and planning and wondering what should i buy or do on his birthday as ive already save up for his special day, i wanna make it special, i wanna see him happy, smiling widely, oh his sweet sweet smile, i love it when he smile at me, or stare at me from far, i know cuz i could see him from the corner of my eyes, acting like i dont know that he's looking at me, and ill get shy myself when i caught him looking at me. I just love that moment. When im busy doing my work or talking to someone and he'll look at me from far. He can easily make me shy just by looking at me. Because that sweet smile of his just make me melt like an ice cream under a hot sun, serious shit i tell u. I adore him. I gained alot of weight when i'm with him, people asked me how I gained that much of weight, well because im happily attached to Amin and he did feed me well. When he hurt my feelings or see me sad, he will right away make me smile with his lame jokes or stupid nonsense joke, or, simply call me tong but in Tamil. LOL.

Every single day, i will keep looking at my phone, just to see if he text me. I'm always looking forward to his calls and texts. Eventhough its the same normal msg he sent, for example ' Tombe, what r u doing? eaten? ' and all that stuff, i never gt bored of it, ever. His text or call make me feel alive, yeap... just that.. Im already happy. He's the most caring person and generous person ive ever met. He love kids, especially toodlers. I'm sure he will be the greatest dad for his children in the future, thats what all woman want, a great father for their children. If we're not meant to be, his future wife will be the luckiest woman, to get a husband like Amin. Well of coz i can't really plan the future now, thats what boyfie told me. Just follow the flow.

Well i blog just to tell you people how much I love him. I know im having trouble at first with trusting him as my past's still hunting me, at that point of time, but when that one scariest night, i almost lost my lovely boyfie, I pushed away all my past and look forward to my future, cuz my Amin is my future, that night i think hard on how to save my relationship that is on verge of breaking. Gosh thats the last thing that is on my mind for God sake!!! That day on i trust my boyfie with all my heart, i trust him fully, i believe him, i give him the trust to take care of me and my heart. That is how much I really truly deeply love my awesome boyfriend, Muhammad Amin. He's the best boyfriend ive ever had. Yes. He is. He's the bestest friend, the best medicine, the best of everything. Alhamdulillah, I thank Allah for Muhammad Amin, thank HIM for adding Amin in my book of life. I really do. I will never fail to pray to Allah to make this last. Alhamdulillah.Alhamdulillah.. :)

Sayang, if you're reading this, i want you to know that i will always love you no matter what happen, and i will do everything that i could to save this beautiful relationship that we have right now. Let's us both make this work, together sayang.. Just you and me. Let's make this last. I love you,Gemok. Forever.

Happy 21st Birthday Balqis

Happy 21st Birthday Balqis sayang ku!
Hope youre gonna have a blast on ur 21st bday with your love ones,
especially ur cuteness mama ever, i miss her by the way anddddddd hope your wish would come true okay. BE happy happy selalu and most importantly STRONG! i have faith in u and ill support you all the way =) I love you hun! Muacks! <3
Meet me soon. pretty pretty please sweetheart!
Love,
Ferra.
PS: i tau.. gambar lama giler.. i think 3 yrs back uh..i think uh.

Imagination 12.46am Thursday 7th July 2011

I feel like,
sitting at Clarke Quay, or,
top of the highway behind Somerset,
alone,
open a bottle of Vodka,
get myself wasted,
as wasted as i could ever be,
til I'd blackout,
while hoping,
and wishing,
that everything will end,
and everything will get back to normal,
just like how I wanted it to be,
in reality,
and then I will finally,
wake up,
the next morning,
walk back home,
happily,
with head high,
with the strength,
to carry on,
with the story of my life.

I know I've been thinking too much lately, been getting angry at something and someone that i shouldn't have been. I know I didn't sleep too well too, keep waking up in the middle of the night, thinking and wondering how's my life gonna end up later in the future. Keep dreaming bout my boyfriend, eversince that scariest night I've ever been thru and never thought of ever, now I'm still scared if it will happen again as God too know how much I love him,as my boyfriend than a friend. Thank God everything's fine between us, but, I just feel like something's missing, I don't know what it is, maybe the way he talk, or act while he's with me. Maybe? Or maybe last time we're so comfortable, too comfortable with each other and now, nah... forget it. I am thinking way too much.. *breathe in, out....* =) I'll be fine soon. Maybe I miss his warmth, and kisses. Maybe I miss him too much. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to save this relationship.