A Good Girl With A Lot Of Bad Habits

Bad Habits n Happy Monthssary.

2011-11-08T23:43:00.003+08:00

Dear Love, I'm sorry for my bad habits,

Saying/doing something at the wrong time.
Never zip my bag after taking out something.
Being so clumsy and blurry at times.
Didn't finish my food.
Getting all angry for nothing or something stupid. (angin)
Annoyed you when you're tired or mad at something.

I hope i could change some of it or you could get used to it one day. I hope you'll accept me for who I am after being with me for 9 months now. I'm sorry i'm not that flawless, work wise or appearence, due to my clumsy-ness and flaws-ness. I know and i realised who am i, i'm not that perfect. I WISH i am perfect in everything, so i could make you proud one day and you'll tell the whole world that I am your girlfriend, the best girlfriend you've ever had, so everyone will look up on us. But i don't really care what people think anyway as long as we're okay. I want you to be happy when you're with me, but i'll confirm2 make you mad at one moment or irritated you or worse stress with my (angin-ness).

It's already 12am now, its our 9th monthssary, i know you're sleeping, because you didn't reply to my text messages =) sleepyhead.. I just wanna wish you, Happy 9th monthssary to us. Still can't believe that we could make it this long, after all those fights. I love you, i love you so much. Thank you for everything dear, from your care to your loyalty.

Well my next year's bday wish is that, i wish your families know who am i,i wish i could be a part of your family too. your family blessings really meant a lot to me, cuz for my 'style', families blessing is much more important in order to save and keep this relationship work.

B!

2011-08-21T01:48:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY LOVE!

I can't sleep because I'm currently thinking about him.

2011-07-19T01:41:00.003+08:00

My soulmate.
I've been thinking about him so much lately, i have no idea why, maybe because ive been thinking and planning and wondering what should i buy or do on his birthday as ive already save up for his special day, i wanna make it special, i wanna see him happy, smiling widely, oh his sweet sweet smile, i love it when he smile at me, or stare at me from far, i know cuz i could see him from the corner of my eyes, acting like i dont know that he's looking at me, and ill get shy myself when i caught him looking at me. I just love that moment. When im busy doing my work or talking to someone and he'll look at me from far. He can easily make me shy just by looking at me. Because that sweet smile of his just make me melt like an ice cream under a hot sun, serious shit i tell u. I adore him. I gained alot of weight when i'm with him, people asked me how I gained that much of weight, well because im happily attached to Amin and he did feed me well. When he hurt my feelings or see me sad, he will right away make me smile with his lame jokes or stupid nonsense joke, or, simply call me tong but in Tamil. LOL.

Every single day, i will keep looking at my phone, just to see if he text me. I'm always looking forward to his calls and texts. Eventhough its the same normal msg he sent, for example ' Tombe, what r u doing? eaten? ' and all that stuff, i never gt bored of it, ever. His text or call make me feel alive, yeap... just that.. Im already happy. He's the most caring person and generous person ive ever met. He love kids, especially toodlers. I'm sure he will be the greatest dad for his children in the future, thats what all woman want, a great father for their children. If we're not meant to be, his future wife will be the luckiest woman, to get a husband like Amin. Well of coz i can't really plan the future now, thats what boyfie told me. Just follow the flow.

Well i blog just to tell you people how much I love him. I know im having trouble at first with trusting him as my past's still hunting me, at that point of time, but when that one scariest night, i almost lost my lovely boyfie, I pushed away all my past and look forward to my future, cuz my Amin is my future, that night i think hard on how to save my relationship that is on verge of breaking. Gosh thats the last thing that is on my mind for God sake!!! That day on i trust my boyfie with all my heart, i trust him fully, i believe him, i give him the trust to take care of me and my heart. That is how much I really truly deeply love my awesome boyfriend, Muhammad Amin. He's the best boyfriend ive ever had. Yes. He is. He's the bestest friend, the best medicine, the best of everything. Alhamdulillah, I thank Allah for Muhammad Amin, thank HIM for adding Amin in my book of life. I really do. I will never fail to pray to Allah to make this last. Alhamdulillah.Alhamdulillah.. :)

Sayang, if you're reading this, i want you to know that i will always love you no matter what happen, and i will do everything that i could to save this beautiful relationship that we have right now. Let's us both make this work, together sayang.. Just you and me. Let's make this last. I love you,Gemok. Forever.

Happy 21st Birthday Balqis

2011-07-17T23:53:00.003+08:00

Happy 21st Birthday Balqis sayang ku!
Hope youre gonna have a blast on ur 21st bday with your love ones,
especially ur cuteness mama ever, i miss her by the way anddddddd hope your wish would come true okay. BE happy happy selalu and most importantly STRONG! i have faith in u and ill support you all the way =) I love you hun! Muacks! <3
Meet me soon. pretty pretty please sweetheart!
Love,
Ferra.
PS: i tau.. gambar lama giler.. i think 3 yrs back uh..i think uh.

Imagination 12.46am Thursday 7th July 2011

2011-07-07T00:45:00.002+08:00

I feel like,
sitting at Clarke Quay, or,
top of the highway behind Somerset,
alone,
open a bottle of Vodka,
get myself wasted,
as wasted as i could ever be,
til I'd blackout,
while hoping,
and wishing,
that everything will end,
and everything will get back to normal,
just like how I wanted it to be,
in reality,
and then I will finally,
wake up,
the next morning,
walk back home,
happily,
with head high,
with the strength,
to carry on,
with the story of my life.

I know I've been thinking too much lately, been getting angry at something and someone that i shouldn't have been. I know I didn't sleep too well too, keep waking up in the middle of the night, thinking and wondering how's my life gonna end up later in the future. Keep dreaming bout my boyfriend, eversince that scariest night I've ever been thru and never thought of ever, now I'm still scared if it will happen again as God too know how much I love him,as my boyfriend than a friend. Thank God everything's fine between us, but, I just feel like something's missing, I don't know what it is, maybe the way he talk, or act while he's with me. Maybe? Or maybe last time we're so comfortable, too comfortable with each other and now, nah... forget it. I am thinking way too much.. *breathe in, out....* =) I'll be fine soon. Maybe I miss his warmth, and kisses. Maybe I miss him too much. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to save this relationship. 

Advanced.

2011-06-08T23:32:00.002+08:00

To my dearest darling Muhammad Amin aka Min,
Happy advanced 4th monthssary, well just in case i didnt get to wish you later at 12am, you noe im very impatient right. hahha! Thank you for taking good care of me for these 4 mths, being patient with my stubborness, with my cravings and all. I love you now, later, tomorrow and forever. You are the best. serious serious. I wanna grow old with you. muacks! nak nak nak? (our inside joke) ok im done. i dont wanna get too emotional. i see you next week okay.. alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! i cant see you for the next few days lah b! =( gonna miss you. make urself free la! we meet and chill! ok bye GEMOK! i love you!

Love you dari earth sampai space,
Nur Ferrahin aka your Hin.

Hin love Min lah..!

Get That In Mind.

2011-04-17T16:13:00.002+08:00

March/April updates.

2011-04-03T23:38:00.003+08:00

Hello there!

Well... first of all, I seriously can't stop thinking about my lovely boyfriend.

I'm the happiest person in the world at the moment.

I still can't believe, that in the end, my friend, my colleague, now is my boyfriend.

This might sound mean, but yes, i didn't notice him in the first place, in the end the love of my life! haha! Oh Love.

He's the most lovely-er-ist-est person I've ever met, I swear.

Maybe he still need sometime to get use to being in a relationship,

but overall he's just perfect to me. He always did all those lil things,

example : was craving for pizza, and one sweet night, he bought me pizza bread instead.

Isn't that sweet?! To me its too sweet already!

And I remember when I'm not feeling that well, he'll always remind me to eat my medi.

Until I'm fully recover, and den he will stop asking or pestering me to eat my medi.

Oh oh, I admit I'm the most irritating, crazy girl you've ever met. Every time i irritated him,

he just laugh it off. He never raise his voice, or scold me, okay lah maybe he's abit mad, but den he will nicely talk things out politely. HOW SWEET?!

I know our relationship is still fresh, i just hope he won't change.

He's beautiful. I really love him alot. I just couldn't ask for more.

I know i'm like boosting about my boyfriend, but i just can't help it!

GERAM! haha! thats it! the more i talk about him, i think i can't finish.

I'll go crazy blogging about him and stuff!

Oh! and he can stand it with my freakingly weird cravings!

I know,right?! Gosh! Oh Ferra please stop.

B. i know you're reading this.

eh. Sayang you from earth til space k.

I have to sleep now.

Working tmr.

urgh.

HEARTS,

FERRA

Biopsy Shit and Stuff.

2011-03-01T13:59:00.002+08:00

Hey guys, actually i just came back from my Biopsy thingy for my breast lump stuff. -_-'

I'm really tired of going to and fro the hospital for the past 2 weeks already.

I wish i was healthy, the 2nd previous check up they just found out that i got 4 small lumps on my left side of my breast. Urgh! 2 of them are watery and harmless and doesn't cause cancer or anything, but the are suspicious of it so i have to go for my Biopsy thingy in the morning.

I went there with my brother, thank God his paper start late afternoon today. I was really scared that morning but i'm trying to keep my cool. But deep down, only God knows. Texted boyfriend, keep him update as he's really worried about me, (lovely boyfriend, i love you, i tau,sempat kan?hahah) get ready for the Biopsy, the scanning, the anesthetic cream, the blood, the freaking long needle! omg! scary ass shit! and finally it end. phew. i feel really numb on the left side now.

Gonna sleep soon.. well , real soon.

ok nevermind, im sleeping now. Lil brother wants his lappy back. he's gotta go to sch now. shit.

Toodles readers!

xoxo,

Ferra

Hello!

2011-03-01T13:09:00.003+08:00

Hi! I had fun on my 21st birthday lah!

Really really! hehe!

My Thanks to:

1stly my family members,

for the birthday cake, hamper (which i hint my aunty for it, so she made one for me,lovely),

blue short dress, hot red handphone bag, handmade cards from my lil cuzz and niece and a heart shape red glitter styrofoam!

2ndly my boyfriend, for giving me his whole heart, himself. He's the best, he's always been there for me, care for me, take responsibility of me. Took the initiative to make my birthday chalet happen. He's the best ive ever had.

3rdly my brothers and sisters from my workplace, they too took the initiative to make my birthday chalet happen and went smoothly. Oh the gifts! The cute big teddy, the beautiful bracelet (been staring at it almost everyday) and the lovely card. I really enjoyed it! Great memories.

4th My facebook mates, for wishing me there. i got like alot of it! and i do appreciate it even if its only a wish through my wall =)

5th My scrambler dudes and dudettes! OMG! i really do love the dress! really really! you guys are lovely! meet up soon and ill wear the dress on out hang out! hehe! and i really do miss you guys. Our outing, chilling session.. everything! Thanks guys!

All of you are the best I've ever had!
I love all of you la!

muacks! =)

February Update

2011-02-12T21:55:00.003+08:00

Hello People!

Sooooo sorry for the extremely late updates,

been very busy working! Imma busy woman,

saving up for studies and stuff.

I love my life now. Happy staying with my grandmama and aunty.

Always looking forward to go home. I'm just a happy woman la k? heheh!

Life's great!

I'm blissfully attach to my close friend since 9th February 2011 =)

Which we didn't see it coming at all,

but in the end we give it a try and it when well, alhamdullilah.

Well ironically the date is the same date as my previous relationship O_o'

hhahah! ah doesnt matter anyway.

He accept me the way i am, my bubbly-ness, my slack-ness, my kecoh-ness, my very straight forward-ness, my open-ness.. Thank God I've found the most caring,open and understanding boyfriend ever. As you could see I've yet change my status on FB well, the day my boyfriend change his and den ill change it =)

ADALAH.

As you guys know that my birthday's around the corner! hahaha!

I can't wait for my biggest birthday party ever this 25th February!

I will tell you guys more after the party of coz!

It will be a 3days 2 nights party baby!

With 10 bottles of liquor! wooooooooooooo!

I'm gonna party my ARSE OFF on that day! Can't wait for it!

Counting down oii! And i would like to thanks to my boyfriend for all of his effort.

Quick Quick 25th! =)

HELLO! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-02T13:12:00.005+08:00

Hellooo Readers!

Happy New Year to all of you!
I hope you guys had a blast celebrating your new year!
I had mine too with the family =)
Well we went to Newton for our dinner and Keppel Bay after that.
And off home because Ive gotta go to work the next morning.

I haven't really think of a new year resolution for now cuz I don't know if I could achieve it! lol! except for last year's resolution, I wanna finally learn how to ride a bicycle and finally i could! BUT i can't really turn left or right but i could only go straight! lol! Don't laugh okay! At least something! hehe!

Im gonna start a new on this new year! Insyallah.
Im just gonna forget about the past and just go forward and no turning back.
Just forgive and forget, take the good stuff and throw away the bad stuff kinda thing you know. Try to achieve some goals, Zura's (a friend of mine) goals and achievements really motivates me, like I look her as my motivation. Its like you wanna get something, go for it! like wow! Hopefully I can do it. Im gonna work hard, and with my hard earn money im gonna try something new, good stuffs loh.. Ill try to think of something soon! hehe.

People who come and go, I will never forget, I appreciate what they have done for me, even the little things, I still do appreciate even the little thought they had for me. Thank you for coming in to my life even if it's for a while. Those who hurt and used me, don't worry. I never hate anyone of you. Can't be bothered, we human does shit, stupid silly shit without thinking. But now i really think that we should think before we do anything. hahah! ok like right now, i talk shit like that. lol! I never hold any grudge or something like that. Let God forgive you HIMself yea, but deep down my heart Ive already forgive you.

Oh yes ive change my num alredy.. new year, new num, new life, new chapter, new boyfriend?! LOL! -_-

Im gonna give my love story a rest.
Let time tell, let love look for me.

Okay people! until my next post!
Have a fabulous new year yea!

XOXO,

Ferra

AWESOME NIGHT!

2010-12-22T12:19:00.002+08:00

I miss you guys already.

To Love or Not To Love.

2010-11-29T11:24:00.003+08:00

LOVE IS THE QUESTION.

WE'RE NOT TRYING TO ANALYSE IT - IT'S FLIGHTY, CONFUSING, MULTI-FACETED AND EPHEMERAL, IMPOSSIBLE TO CATCH.

WE'RE NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT ROMANTIC LOVE. IT HAS MANY SIDES, AND IS EXPRESSED IN AS MANY WAYS.

ADMIRATION - OF WOMEN WHO ARE NOT CONVENTIONALLY PRETTY, BUT ARE BRAVE AND INTERESTING IN THEIR CHOICES AND SOMEHOW MORE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE OF THAT.

WE CAN SHOW IT THROUGH PHYSICAL GIFTS AND SIMPLE GESTURES. IT CAN BE REPRESENTED IN PICTURES, WORDS, FOOD AND DRINKS.

IT CAN BE SEEN IN OUR FACES, AND SOMETIMES, IT'S TWISTED AND SURREAL, NOT BEAUTIFUL.

THE WORD IS OVERUSED AND UNDERVALUED, BUT IT'S JUST PRESENTS ITSELF, THE IDEA IS SIMPLE : IT'S ABOUT SINCERELY AND OPENLY CONNECTING TO PEOPLE AND THINGS.

IF LOVE IS THE QUESTION,

IT'S ALSO THE ANSWER.

- FEMALE MAGAZINE.

2010-09-07T13:49:00.001+08:00

=)

2010-09-06T21:37:00.006+08:00

Hey guys,

Sorry for being 'Missing In Action' for the moment. Shit happens, truckloads of it. Well won't blame God for it though, it'll make me stronger i guess. Well i can say that, it makes me more ignorant and heartless. I just can't be bother about the things that happen around me, ill just have to put a fake smile and just walk away. I know, it really doesnt sound like me right? Well, thats how the world treat me. Been keeping stuff to myself, don't worry, im still smiling =) Just that I don't really get amused that easily like last time.

Relationship wise, well, me and Reed are officially over, so don't ask us about it anymore, well he need time to move on, me too. So i appreciate it if you 'try' not to ask us about our relationship. We have our own reasons. IF we're meant to be together then maybe in the future we will be together. You Hope, I'll just expect the unexpected =) haha! ok thats my Da Vinci Code. Im so used with people i love, left me. It does hurt, but i won't show them that Im WEAK! Im gonna be like them, see if u feel what i feel.

Reed once told me that i never told the guys the best of Reed, Well now im gonna tell you guys. Of all of my ex(s) He's the best, I felt loved eventho he sucks at showing his love to me. Yes i do see all those little things he does for me, eventho he's hopelessly romantic,but by seeing all of those little things, well he's trying his best to be romantic. For that i appreciate and proud of him for doing his best to make me felt loved.FYI He's the first guy who gave me a Rose, believe it or not, before him, i never gt a rose from anyone at all. He always sing for me,trying his very best to make time for me, never neglect me when we're out with his friends, share things with me, eventho i don't know a thing about what he's trying to tell me, but sooner or later i learn alot from him, from bike parts to music. I know he's being a geeky science dude sometime, well i love science btw, sadly i didnt took science for Sec 3, AH! regrets! ok back to him, from there too i catch up with my science stuff! Its very interesting you know, i love listening to his stories and bitching and from there ill try my best to be there for him, listen to him, guide him =) not only me. He too guide me with my life, on how to be strong and firm to people who try to take advantage of me. He's the most caring person ever, especially bout my health! oh God, He's used to be my doctor and my lifesaver! haha! He's a good person, just that.. well.. i don't wish to tell you people his bad traits as i don't wanna give him a bad name or whatsoever. I just hope one day he'll realized it and change his bad traits NATURALLY.LOL. If not then i guess his future wife either need to accept him for who he is or try to guide him like how i did for these past years then. =) I wish you luck with your life Reed. Don't worry your problems will go away soon okay. Just be strong, hey, you are strong right =) I always have faith in you no matter how bad our shit is. As i said, I'm proud of you for being strong and stay in e relationship for the past 2 years 3 months, long right?! i know! Can't believe i cant tahan your nonsense and you can tahan my Da Vinci Code! AHAHAH! Thank you for everything. I appreciate it OPTIMUS PRIME LOADS! I love you my friend.

Well i think i better go off now.. meeting Reed tomorrow, can't deny that i miss him, haha, i know its only been what? two weeks? Hope you people understand me if i were to keep myself shut sometimes. Sunshine will be back soon, hehe.. sorry if its been raining for the past few days.. XD

Love,

Ferra

Meaningful Lyrics

2010-08-06T13:51:00.000+08:00

Never understood how she could,
Mean so little to so many
Why does she mean everything to me?

Is it worth the pain, with no one to blame?
For all of my insecurities
How did I ever let you go?

Questioning her good intention
Jealousy’s a bad invention
When you push on glass, it’s bound to break

Even when she was defensive,
It just gave me more incentive
The more you squeeze, the more it slips away

I never walked so far on a lonely street
With no-one there for me
Is it worth the pain, with no one to blame?
For all of my insecurities
How did I ever let you go?

Accept this confession! …I’m walking on pins and needles
You’re not my possession! …I’m walking on pins and needles
My conscience is vicious! …I’m walking on pins and needles
I’m begging forgiveness! …I’m walking on pins and needles

I never walked so far on a lonely street,
With no one there for me
It took so long to see her in misery
And now it’s clear to me

That it’s worth the pain, always take the blame
For all your own insecurities

How did I ever let you go?

- Billy Talent
Pins and Needles

Selfish.

2010-07-24T14:11:00.005+08:00

Dear Readers,

How i wish i could run away, run away from all these nonsense. I can't even cry, cuz I'm tired of crying, tired of watching people cry in front of me. I just wish someone could just take me away, go somewhere peaceful, make me smile just for a day. I just need one day of peace. Thats all I need, shits been happening since mom left, I don't know where the hell is she right now, Dad been crying for the past few days, worse, he cried in front of me. Thats the hardest part, i don't wish to cry in front of him cuz i wanna show him that I'm strong. Friends and Family are falling apart, why can't they be like some people family and friends, stick together through thick and thin, help each other out. Family falls apart because of money, Friends falls part because of childishness. Gahh!! I'm the middle person right now, mom telling me stuff about dad, dad telling me stuff about mom, Friend A tell me stuff about Friend B, Friend B tell me stuff about Friend A, but me, as a middle person, after hearing both side, to me there are both at fault, Gosh guys! theres always a reason why shit happen to you guys! Wake up! You guys are old enough to think. I'm tired of telling you people what to do and what to think. I need time and space to think about myself too, i wanna finish what I've started, achieve my goals! I can't concentrate if you people are stopping me, like literally. Now i realized how evil those money can ruin peoples lives, yes it makes you happy for AWHILE, for the moment you really needed it, but den when the times you really needed it, you need to work your ass off till you neglect you health, you neglect your dignity and just steal from people and ask people for money and never pay them back like as if you feel like all those money fall from the sky! There is no such thing as 'easy money'. And thats for money, and now for childishness, my dear friends, please i hate looking at you people behaving like this, I can't split myself into two, one side go to you and the other side go to the person that you're not talking to, thats nonsense! Do me one thing! Go to a childcare or a playground! Look at those little kids, there will be this incident happen like , Kid A fought with Kid B, because Kid B took Kid A toy car, and for that moment they're not talking, but after 2 mins they start talking to each other like normal and share the toy car together. At least little kids like them cherish their friendship! Unlike you young adults! Please I beg you people to stop or else i swear i will be the selfish person on earth you've ever met. I don't wanna be like that. Never. But people like you guys making me be like one. I need one peaceful day, if you don't want me to be alone, den please for that one peaceful day, make me laugh and smile again. Yes i do laugh and smile alot, but only God knows how much i suffer inside. I want to really laugh and smile. Really Laugh And Smile, Without Any Shit Going Through My Mind. Please. Thank you.

Love,
Ferra

Love Life.

2010-06-30T15:20:00.004+08:00

I wanna grow old with Ridhwan <3

I love my life now.

I love everything.

Everything is back to normal

and i love it so much. God is Great.

Alhamdullilah.

this is random :
I woke up, grab my hp and text Reed.

Me: " i found a sweet and adorable line for you!! "there's plenty of fish in the sea,
but you're my Nemo!!! <3" .. i hope my random/all of a sudden/ tk penting msg
brightens your day just by an inch =)"

Reed: haha. ada2 je u. Thanks love! :D

<3>

2 Years.

2010-05-09T14:21:00.004+08:00

Happy 2 years anniversary baby.
Sadly you're not here and we both can't celebrate it together.
You know I love you, toooo much =)
I'll save everything when you come back.
Come Home Soon honey... =(

I Miss You

2010-05-03T19:28:00.003+08:00

='(

I miss our dinner at Sakae Sushi.
I miss our movie dates.
I miss our laughs and smiles.
I miss your hugs and kisses.

come home...

2010-04-16T15:06:00.000+08:00

AngusDe'sa

ok dokieee!! mummy gg out with dad kan??

have fun taww!

Fea

hahah! tmr mom and dad.. today mom and despo housewife.. lol!

AngusDe'sa

hahahaha mamposs

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

2010-04-13T17:15:00.001+08:00

MY DREAM BEDROOM!!! I WANT THIS BEDROOM! XD

*faint*

Try answer this.

2010-04-01T13:38:00.005+08:00

Can these pretty face girl friends of yours make you happy?
Can they provide you foods and drink?
Will they be there when you need them the most?
Are they the ones who care for you the most?
Will they stay up all night just to accompany you or watch you sleep?
Do they care getting drench in the rain just to bring you food so you won't get hungry?
Are they willing to heard your life stories?
Can they stand people around you calling her stupid by sticking or dating with you?

Can they stand your needs?
Can they support you or guide you with your life?
You think about it wisely.

I was wondering why in the world guys add those pretty faces even if they are attached,
who are they proving it to? Showing off to their guy friends? Telling them that they are a pimp/playboy or 'i'm the most FUCKING handsome guy in the world and i can get these pretty pussy anytime i want?' Well, Fuck that. I never mention anything about my boyfriend is a good guy or a jerk. I'm just curious. Isn't this will make things worse for your relationships?

1st- your gf will think that the other girls are better den her.
2nd- love = crazy, we never know if the other party will fall for their partner.
3rd- What if you don't know you limits by contacting the opposite sex like everyday.
4th- what will people think of you.

There's nothing wrong having friends from the opposite sex, but what if things will go wrong, things that you don't wish it to happen. There's always a limit for everything.

I'm not trying to be too traditional, but isn't that things that guys always do but girls can't?
What if your girlfriend does that? will you let her continue? I don't think so. Cuz base on my 'experiment' most guys don't like the ' if guys can do it, so as us girls' Wah i'm totally confused, i don't know what you guys want. hahaha!

Cherish your girlfriend, not girl friends but girlfriend,
your soul mate.

Treat her like she's the most precious thing in your life.
Cause you will never know if one day she have to leave you just to make herself happy and that very moment you realized that none of the girls are willing to do what your girlfriend would do for you.

Oh That Feeling Again

2010-04-01T11:46:00.008+08:00

I'm having mixed feelings again, I don't feel happy. I don't feel content with what is happening. I can't deny i hate this kinda feelings, its like when you woke up, you don't feel like smiling and you're not looking forward to a new day. And you start your day by putting a fake smile just to make someone happy, just to make people shut their mouth up and stop asking you the 'are you okay' question, doing something that you don't like but others does just to make them happy, accepting something that you still have those 50/50 thoughts. Nothing seems right for me. I'm just asking for something that you don't need to use up you money or energy, I'm just asking for my happiness. I still don't know if its worth it, working that hard and earn extra cash but in the end i don't get anything, as in happiness. True, money can't buy you happiness but it will make you happy just for that moment where you get what you want. I'm like accepting things that i don't like,things that make me unhappy, as long as that person is happy. It isn't fair at all. Try let me do something that you don't like, would you still make me do it? No, cause only you can do it. Only you can do stuff that i don't like. The reason why i don't really wanna confront things to people cause it will end up to fights. I hate it. It will increase the level of our hatred to that person. Its not good. Please for goodness sake, I don't wanna be fake and put up a fake smile and laugh a fake laugh. If this continue and i keep things from myself, it will eat me up inside. Have you heard of someone died of depression? Great im talking nonsense now. Fuckshit. Please for the second time tell me that everythings gonna be fine. Cuz to me something's missing. Yes i feel like there are something missing. Help me find those missing pieces will you? I need someone.

Facts.

2010-03-31T14:19:00.003+08:00

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

So, should the girls go on a stupid make over and be fake or should the guys really have to see the beauty in her,not the outside but the inside? You decide.

2010-03-30T22:19:00.003+08:00

There's no more butterflies in the stomach

But

Sick in the stomach instead.

Here we go again =/

Update

2010-03-29T18:11:00.007+08:00

Well, I've been very busy with life lately that is why i don't have the time to update my blog, I am really sorry about that. I actually don't really know how to start, well, ill just start off with work. Work is okay okay. Just that some shit happen which i do not want to mention about it as im "SCARED" the next person who wants me to get fucked, will print this up. So, ill just say that work is okay but really tiring as i am working 12 hours shift. Sometimes, I really don't have time for myself, by the time i got home its already 9plus, after im done with washing up and dinner ill surely fall asleep after that. Believe it or not, since i start working i could barely watch the television. I don't really know what was happening or what's on tv. So don't bother asking me if i watch this show or whatsoever okay! XD

As for family i can't really say much as my parents are going thru a very hard times and i don't really wish to say it in details as i haven't really talk to my dad since last year i guess. I wish all this could end soon. I admit i miss talking and joking around with dad.

Boyfriend, he means the world to me. He's everything. I can't really write a list about him as i don't think i have enough papers to write on. He's the best, he's my only family. He never fail to put a smile on my face with his silly story or question and his cute blur face when i ask him question or tell him something. Ok this make me misses him. Tsk. Well im gonna miss him soon as he's going to Taiwan next month, end of the month that is on 30th April to be exact. God damnit im working lucky he have to be there at 11pm! Cuz i end work at 8pm. I swear I'm gonna cry on that day. Im gonna miss our your-voice-before-i-sleep conversation every night, his smells, his armpits, his hugs and kisses, our DWUW(ok only the both of us know whats that), his stare when im not looking at him, his bite, his 'morning babe/love' wish, his complains and nagging, his very loud voice when his angry, his puppy face when he want something from me, his warmth, our holding hands, our Friday nights and especially his 'i love you'(s). GAHHHHH!! Oh nevermind, this is the time we both could have our space as thats want he also wants. But still im gonna miss him badly, very bad. Im gonna spend time with him to the fullest before he go to Taiwan. ok i am not going to talk about him now, there i told you there are so many thing i have to say about him and it will never end! oh i just remember something. HES NOT HERE IN SINGAPORE FOR OUR 2 YEARS ANNIVERSARY WHICH FALLS ON THE 9th OF MAY *SOB* =[SADDENING MUCH!

Can i end now?
ok bye.

Blissfully Attached

2010-03-10T17:04:00.003+08:00

I, Nur Ferrahin Bte Baharudin aka Fea Shines blissfully and officially attached to Muhammad Ridhwan Bin Maznin aka Reed Ridhwan.

2010-03-05T23:06:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry.
If you can't lead them, you can't lead my family,
i don't want a follower, cuz i don't want my children
to follow our foot steps.

SENTOSA WITH GIRLFRIENDS!

2010-03-03T14:05:00.007+08:00

HELLO bloggies! i know i'm outdated but oh well its my blog anyway, i blog whenever i want! I had a blast with my girlfriends on last Friday, we went to Sentosa celebrate my belated birthday there. Was the best day ever, best birthday ever i tell you! We're really planless actually, i suppose to meet my gfs at 9am at Vivo city, but den i gt out from my house at 9am! i know, im always late. Reach there, had our breakfast at Macdonald, and we went window shoppong, oh you know 'Us GIRLS we are so magical' AHAHA! sorry katy perry song plak!

around 12pm i think, then we're off to Sentosa Island! WOOOOOO!!! so thats the first time we used Ez Link card to sentosa! LOL and i think thats the first time too my girlfriends went to the new resort at Sentosa. The place is equal to beautiful, i feel like am not in Singapore. We explore the whole place til we realised that we walked one round. Finally we reached Imbiah Lookout, took loads of pictures there, i really wanna go to that tall Tiger Sky Tower, and my lovely gfs blanja me! wooooooooo baik pe! So we took the Sky Tower! omg!!!!! Syiok la!!!! and den we walked down to Siloso beach and bought tickets for Luge and Skyride! WAH SIA ! Shikin was really scared went we're up, was the best feeling ever i feel like im flying.. hahah! Luge was the best of the best la.. i wanna ride it again and again bt too bad we only ride it once.

We really had fun on that day! Hot guys everywhere. XD oh Reed's gonna kill me. The sun is killing me, i know i shine but till i cant beat the sun in the end, so we bought towel and soap and we took our bath at Palawan Beach by the time we're done, its raining -_-' baik uh. the weather cheat our feelings. Den we took our ride back to Vivo City, since my gfs just got their pay they when to Mphosis to shop, since there's sales at Mphosis. JEALOUS JEALOUS! i wanna buy shoes there! =( never mind maybe next time. Once they're done we're off our separate ways.

7 pm meet my knight and his horse at Habourfront, thot we're going to some places, then he too are planless -_-' So we went back to Vivo City. No, I went back to Vivo City! HAHHAHAH! God. We're broke like totally. Thot of going the arcade but we only have 30 bucks left! 10 bucks for gas, other 20bucks for what sia! so we both slack at the roof top with Faruq and his lovely Kat, Reed drew me a tattoo at my leg. hahaha! Using my freaking marker! den he drew a fire and stick man and faruq's name and kat's on faruq's hand. He anyhow la.. hahha! We're so bored and he took my Mp3 and we lie down and sang together, sang Hanging By A Thread, his previous band to be exact. My favorite song, For Old Time Sake. XD love that song la! I miss HBAT already =[ So bored and we finally bought ticket and watch Wolfman at 12midnite. hahah! XD The movie is good, stupid rating said that the movie is bad, stupid people dont understand their kind of English i think! Good movie. You need to understand what the hell they are trying to say then you'll agree with me. After the movie, he sent me home. i close my eyes while he's riding. HAHAH! alamak. HE WILL KILL ME!. ok bye

Am freaking 20!

2010-02-24T23:18:00.005+08:00

Hey Guys~! Guess what?! I turn 20 today! woooo!!! Im a woman now! Not a girl anymore.. so cannot anyhow shout 'ey girl' must shout 'Ey Woman!' HAHAHAH! You guys might be wondering what im doing today right?

Well.. In the morning i bathe and get ready to WORK! pathetic? i know but oh well.. i dont mind plus i dont really have plans on my birthday anyways. And i heard that bf cant go out, from his camp btw cuz of some exercise. So i decide to go home straight after work and i had Alot of wishes from work and msges and fb! woooooooo! heheh! Thank you so much you guys for the thots =] really appreciate it.. i only wish i cud hug you guys right after you guys wish me! hahah Nothing much happen at work just usually busy day.

Finish work i go home straight, and suddenly someone called while was reading Breaking Dawn at CCK LRT. Love called! He asked me where am i? and he sound like he's rushing for something, den i told him im at CCK waiting for the LRT. He asked if i wanna meet him cuz he can go out from camp! i was so happy til butterfly flies in my stomach and i swear i could feel it and i feel like all those butterflies could just came out from my mouth or something. And of coz i said yes. Love asked me to wait him at his void deck. When he arrived, he called his mum and said that hes gonna put his stuff at home and im also with him so yea, we went up to his house.

Once reach his house, omg 1st i feel like crying actually cuz its been a few months already i didnt see his family. They welcome me with open arms, and they dont know it was my birthday til Love told his mum that today is my birthday! and his mum and eldest sister wishes me. And the best birthday ever is i get a kiss on both cheeks from his mum and i get to see his grandma, cuz his grandma is my bestest friend ever. The person i could talk to and tell all my family prob with. i swear i love his family so much.. i feel like im part of the family already and his grandma look so happy when she saw me just now. her smiles just make me so happy you know, was smiling all the way while chatting with her, she was on her bed watching the tv, maybe she was resting before i came there. =] she just make me smile from her lil smile. yes thats the best gift ever.

When Love's done, we headed to Sinaran at Teck Whye, thot of buying Wanton Noodles since i really really want it, but den the wanton noodle shop was close. OH HATI KU PECAH! HAHAHAH! den we ate hor fan.. Chit chat and stuff and den he have to send me home cuz he have to go back to his camp. its a very fast. but still im so happy today. just so happy.. oh my sweet lil bro Hahan bought me sushi.. he said that, thats the least that he can nuy for me.. i was like awww... han.. i love you.. hehe! XD

Thank you again for all the wishes you guys.. i really really really appreciate it so much! =] you know i love every single one of you. But of coz i love LOVE more. hehe! XD thanks tauuu!! MUACKZ!

much love,
Fea Shines =]

3 DAYS OF VALENTINE'S DAY!

2010-02-20T21:44:00.004+08:00

Lets make it short, this 3 days is the most special day ever, so i don't wanna tell almost everything. hehe! 1st we went to Plaza Singapura, Reed bought me a leopard plushie! YAY i always want a plush toy from Build A Bear! Finally i got it! Thank you love! Den we when for our lunch at Burger King and bowl at Marina, with Faruq and Kat by the way. After that they have to leave. So me and Reed play L4D at Parklane while waiting for our movie to start! We watch Valentine's day. Funny movie i tell you! Must watch!

Day 2, Saturday, I had a Dinner and Dance at Orchid Country Club, the games are great the food are nice too, but then i cant really enjoy my food thanks to the games. Den Reed fetch me, we when to Clarke Quay meet the dirtheads, and den off home.

Day 3, Double date at Sentosa, just like old times.. ahah! me Reed Yan and Qis sayang.. We when to sentosa, swim,eat, talk,camwhore! hahah! Great n Relaxing day.. very tired tho. cuz i when our 3 days straight! hahah! Very memorable 3 days. Love it! Thanks Reed, Qis and Yan =]

im in love with this song!

2010-02-16T07:00:00.001+08:00

Lady Gaga Speechless Lyrics

I can’t belive what you said to me
Last night when we were alone
You threw your hands up
Baby you gave up, you gave up

I can’t believe how you looked at me
With your James Dean glossy eyes
In your tight jeans with your long hair
And your cigarette stained lies

Could we fix you if you broke?
And is your punch line just a joke?

I’ll never talk again
Oh boy you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless, so speechless

I can’t believe how you slurred at me
With your half wired broken jaw
You popped my heart seams
On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams

I can’t believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes
He’s gonna get you and after he’s through
There’s gonna be no love left to rye

And I know that it’s complicated
But I’m a loser in love
So baby raise a glass to mend
All the broken hearts
Of all my wrecked up friends

I’ll never talk again
Oh boy you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless so speechless

I’ll never love again,
Oh friend you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless, so speechless

Hooow?
Haaaa-oooo-wow?
H-ooow?
Wow

Haaaa-oooo-wow?
H-ooow?
Wow

And after all the drinks and bars that we’ve been to
Would you give it all up?
Could I give it all up for you?

And after all the boys and girls that we’ve been through
Would you give it all up?
Could you give it all up?

If I promise to you boy
That I’ll never talk again
And I’ll never love again
I’ll never write a song
Won’t even sing along

I’ll never love again
So speechless
You left me speechless, so speechless
Why you so speechless, so speechless?

Will you ever talk again?
Oh boy, why you so speechless?
You’ve left me speechless

Some men may follow me
But you choose “death and company”
Why you so speechless? Oh oh oh

Dinner and Dance

2010-02-15T22:13:00.003+08:00

Dinner was okay cuz i cant really enjoy the food there, Thanks to the game!
I cant concentrate eating okay! and im still hungry after that!
Dance was Wow or Boomz! hahaha! eventho the songs are all outdated.
I did enjoyed it.. Really.. haha! and thats the day most of the guys saw me like really really dress up! if not, me and my t shirt and jeans! hahahah! XD The heels kills but i look FABULOUS I TELL U! XD ok da ferra please! oh yes.. my hero fetch me, life saver! cuz i swear im hungry that night! we meet his friends den when to Macdonald had our supper there. Well this is the 2nd day of vday.. ill tell you again abt my vday after Reed upload all our pics okay. so yes.. to be continue!

Katy Gaga And Lady Perry

2010-02-10T17:32:00.003+08:00

Here's my ultimate favorite artist!
Lady Gaga and Katy Perry!
Both of them are weird but their songs are nice!
Love em loads! They are the coolest people!
Weird outfits! Got the X factor, you know what i mean!
Very daring people! wooo! my idol! and will always be!

Wed Nes Day

2010-02-10T14:49:00.003+08:00

Well today is Wednesday, talk about Wednesday,
my colleague,Vani who I'm quite close with called me Wednesday.
She said that am as weird as Wednesday in the Addams Family show. -_-'
Plus she will get confused if she call me Ferra, cuz in my workplace theres alot of familiar name like,
Fara,Sarah and all that, so she decided to call me Wednesday instead. HAHHA! ok i shouldnt have post this cuz i swear its random.

Well I'm gonna be quite busy this month.
Advanced valentine's day with Reed this coming Friday,
company Dinner and Dance this Sat,
triple date with Qis and Mai this Sunday,
working half day next Monday and start work as per normal by tuesday.
and the rest i don't know yet. Not confirm. Oh Oh! belated birthday with my ite girlfriends on the 26th February! Yayness! I miss them a lot!

Busy busy busy!
Til i've made a schedule for myself! hahah!
semangat?! yes i am. Oh theres alot of plans coming and i still dont know what to wear.
This is madness! Im gonna treasure hunt my closet later!

Am bored today, i dont know what to do,
i wanna go out, but im scared if ill overspent my money,
i wanna sleep, but confirm my head will hurt if i sleep too much,
i wanna read, but surely i will fall asleep after that,
i want an online movie marathon, but im sure later my lil bro will conquer the computer from himself til late.
Im so planless right now, to do-less, less less less uhh..

:/

ok bye!

I think i think too much... am i?

2010-02-07T23:11:00.002+08:00

Why me?
Why her?
Why them?
Well i was wondering what are you trying to do?
Why is this thing happening?
Who are you proving this to?
What do you really want from me?
Why are you still sticking with me?
Whats the rush?
What are you trying to do?
Why many of them involving when the one and only person was just right in front of you?

There are so many question i wanna ask you.
But i don't think you could answer it tho.
Oh well.

Sometimes its bad to just follow the flow neither make plans.
Theres always bumpy road along the way. Just get ready for it.

and why in the world i'm saying all this anyway?
I guess i really DOES think too much. HAHA! =]

CUTE RITE?!

2010-02-03T15:46:00.002+08:00

I ask Dean to send me this pic. This is his msn dp! CUTE! i noe!

Well i suppose to meet twinnie at 5pm later.. its already 4pm!
Im always late. urgh. i need to change! hahah!
Today is equal to heels day! yay!
Cant wait to me her.
Ok done!
Bye!

New

2010-02-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

Well im starting a new blog because ive decided to delete the old one.
Thats the past, past hurt, and i know there will be more to come in the future.
So yeah, lets see how the new year treat me =]

Sorry as i dont really know what to post about today coz there's nothing special about today,
just a normal tired working monday blues. Can't believe i just wasted your time by reading
this silly post of mine. oh well!

ive gtg! After dinner my bed will 'drag' me to it.
Good Night Bloggies!